Long ago before the Age of Brenda, the good people of Frito Lay developed a flavor called Taco Dorito. I loved them and quickly substituted them for most of the solid food in my diet. This was back when I had a metabolism. Then Frito Lay canceled the flavor. Those bastards didn't even call me. When I was told, I was a little upset. But I regained my self control. And after a pulling a few strings, the supermarket agreed not to press charges.
Then a few years later, they got a license with Taco Bell. (For some reason they thought it would help.) They released the same flavor as....Taco Supreme. Again, I got my major food group back. But I was newly married now. A few weeks later Bren found us when she came home early one day. Still, life gave me a second chance. With intense counseling and a few electric shock treatments, Bren and I put our lives back together.
Now, it's 2007. I have a family and a reputation as one of the nation's most prolific bloggers. Success and money are now fruits within my reach. On a quiet night, this cute little bag winked at me and the next thing I know, I'm in a cheap hotel with snack chip powder all over my body.
But don't worry. I'm in control. I can quit at any time. (twitch twitch twitch)
